Hey Loser
You think buying this garbage will fix your empty, meaningless expat life? Newsflash: it won't. But hey, at least you'll have something to show for your pathetic attempts at being interesting. So here's some overpriced junk that'll make you feel temporarily better about your sad existence.
Why Don't You Buy This Shit
For Your Ugly Fur Baby
Your dog is more spoiled than any actual child you'll ever have. This bed is perfect for that little monster to lounge around while you're busy pretending to work from home. It's summer-ready, so your fur baby won't sweat through its faux-fur coat. You're welcome.
¥224.32
For Your Pinterest Fantasy
You bought this thinking you'd wear it to some 'desert rave' in Gansu. Spoiler: you'll wear it once, take 400 photos for the 'gram, and then it'll hang in your closet until you move out. But hey, at least you'll look like a Pinterest board come to life for one day.
¥324.77
Because you need a dress that screams 'I'm having a spiritual awakening in Xinjiang' while you're actually just sweating your ass off on a group tour. Strapless? Bold choice for someone who's never worn sunscreen in their life. Good luck with the tan lines.
¥135.67
For Your Peeing Convenience? Ha.
This jumpsuit is for those days when you can't be bothered to match a top with bottoms. It's a one-piece disaster waiting to happen. Perfect for beer gardens and regrettable decisions. And yes, you will have to take it off entirely to pee. You've been warned.
¥137.67
You Suck
Still reading? God, you're pathetic. Just buy the damn stuff already. Your empty apartment and your sad Instagram feed need it. And remember, you're not a real expat until you've wasted money on useless crap from Taobao. Now go, before I change my mind and tell you to donate to charity instead. (Too soon? Whatever.)
Shop now on Baopals, you absolute clown.